想与你雨中漫步

似乎好久没有关于Emily的成长更新了。这一段时间她长的很快，个子高了，心志也成熟很多。她已经完全适应了新幼儿园，老师说以前她脸上的那种“what are you talking about？“ 神情已经消失了。午饭的时候，能和小朋友叽叽歪歪八卦很多东西。比方说，My mommy has a baby in her belly，it will come out when it is big。Story time的时候，能勇敢的发言，只是老师有时都听不明白她半截的英语。

大女儿：你好。我知道你此时此刻的心情，苦恼大于喜悦。

二十多年的孔子教育让你喘不过气来，加之妈妈娘家原系的传统教育，一味的家长作风，培养你们独立，自强，自信，少了一点天性对你的母爱。每当我看见婴儿，少男少女躺在爸妈怀抱里撒娇时，我就想起你，因我对你过于威严，就连上帝赐与你娇柔也被我剥夺了。为此我时常 自责，也许当时不懂得什么是母爱。使你少了童年应有的欢乐，儿时就成了小大人，承受了巨大的压力，你一路走来好辛苦。你走出了一条光明的路。但现实是很残酷的，你又回到了起点，你真正走入了社会，一切都要从零开始，你的工作环境以及人文背景都是截然不同的，无疑是前所未有的挑战！但我相信，你是最棒的，你一定会克服困难，会得到上司的夸奖！我们期待着佳音！

你又要独自去漂泊闯荡世界了，我心里好难受，但爸妈的心永远伴随着你。更有你的墩实靠背，你心爱的小柯！

今后有什么不愉快的事 可以向朋友和家人群诉，能缓解你的压力，或许还能从中收益，对身心都有好处。

望好运伴随着你！    

                          

妈妈

院子里的牡丹花了，我最喜欢的花。云锦霞裳，让你的心情在云端无边漫游。

摘下来放到门厅的桌子上，入门唯觉一庭香。

我昨天做了一个梦，梦见我变成了一个美丽的公主！

傻瓜，你本来就是一个美丽的小公主！

Emily， 你的东西扔在地上会被踩坏的。快收起来。

妈妈，（掂起脚尖从缝隙中间走过去），这样就不会踩坏了，you see?

妈妈，你这么晚才来接我，就剩下我们三个小朋友了（伸出三个手指）。我被接走了，就剩下他们两个了（伸出两个手指）。

Emily， 妈妈的钥匙找不到了。你帮妈妈找一下。

自己的东西要收好啊。我也不知道在哪阿。（摊开双手，耸耸肩）

帮妈妈一下啊，妈妈也帮你找过啊。

自己的东西要收好。（学我的样子皱眉头）

（倒，以牙还牙）哦，原来在这里。

（兴奋的喊）Hey, mommy, you got it!

Baby,把你的球捡起来，妈妈要吸尘了，会把球吸走的。

（冷静地看了一眼）你的吸尘器太小了，吸不起来。（转身走掉）

妈妈，这两头牛的朋友为什么不跟他们一起玩？

这两头牛在喝水，他们的朋友们在吃草。（耐心回答）

为什么他们的朋友们在吃草？

他们吃草才能长大。就像emily要吃蔬菜一样。（趁机教育一下）

为什么他们要吃草？为什么他们不住在森林里？（开始扯远了）

他们的家在草地上。

为什么他们的家在草地上，他们的房子呢？（真是穷追猛打阿）

（不耐烦）他们吃完草，还得散会步才能回家。

那为什么熊要住在森林里呢？(熊？！ 和牛有什么关系？）

（支支吾吾）因为熊害怕我们去吃它（心不在焉，敷衍了事）

什么呀？！ （开始自言自语，懒得理妈妈了）

Emily now goes to a daycare center owned by a local chain as we moved to a new town. Therefore she had to learn English. Some parents told us don’t worry since a toddler’s brain works like a sponge, sucking new stuff right in. She will pick up English in no time. Of course we have anticipated that she would have some tough time in the first several weeks, and we tried to get in her shoes to think about all the challenges she needs to cope with, a new school, new teachers, new friends and a new language. We sat down with her and talked about all the difficulties she will be facing. Last, we told her, Emily, you might feel very sad and lonely for a while, but don’t worry, mommy and daddy will be there for you. She nodded.

First day, I dropped her off and stayed with her for a half hour. When she started playing and got comfortable, I waved goodbye to her. I picked her up around 6:00PM and the teacher said everything went very well and she had a good time. We were all surprised. Next day, her father dropped her off and called me, Emily cried and grabbed my leg, begging me not to leave her. I was concerned and called her teacher right away. She said Emily was sad and is reading a book now. I asked if I can talk to her. The teacher called her name and said mommy is on the phone. Through the phone, I clearly heard she cried out loudly “mama” and running towards me. She sobbed, saying, mama, daddy left me here, please pick me up. I don’t want to stay here. Her words were broke up by her uncontrollable blubber. At that moment, as a mom, I really didn’t know what to say to her, and I couldn’t stop my tears.

I picked her up early that afternoon as I promised. Her eyes were puffy. For the next two weeks, every morning was a struggle to drop her off. Sometime she came home and asked me, “mama, why my friends don’t want to play with me? I waved goodbye to them and why didn’t they wave back?” Her feelings were hurt. She felt unsecured and didn’t want to social anymore. She would hide behind me all the time when we were out. Her father worried, how to protect her sensitive heart? I said, maybe she has to figure this out herself, this way she can grow up and learns to deal with frustrations.

I believe Emily is a strong girl, or I hope she will be. We still encourage her to greet her friends and teachers. We need to be patient. This month she transferred to a bigger class. Everything changed. She loves to go to school every day. She rushes into her teacher’s arm in the morning. She understands most of the words in school and follows orders through. She starts talking to her friends, and every day she mentions a new name to me.

For all the words she learnt in English, she won’t say it in Chinese. She says “Excuse me!” whenever she wants to pass me and she asks me to do the same. She says hello to our neighbors and even strangers.

Here are some recent interesting dialogues of hers.

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厕所的卷纸滚了一地。我问，Emily, 是你干的坏事吗？

不是。。。。。是我昨天干的。

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Emily第一天坐school bus. 我问她：今天坐school bus高兴吗？

恩，school bus慢吞吞的走。我和Jada坐在一起。

那你们聊天了么？

恩，我跟她说，我昨天去了水族馆了。

真的啊？

(兴奋) 对阿！

那Jada说什么？

(失落) 她在看外面的风景。

注：Jada是Emily新幼儿园唯一能说中文的小朋友。

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妈妈，你说我长大了么？

长大了，你现在是大姑娘了。

那我能帮你做事了么？

能啊！

我能帮你做饭么？

可以啊！

不行，我会烫伤的。我可以帮妈妈洗衣服，好吗？

好的。

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妈妈，我长大了吗？

长大了啊。你现在是大姑娘了。

没有，我还很小呢。

那你长大了要做什么呢？

我要去上班，要送你去上学！

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妈妈，我乖么？

很乖！

那你给我买xxx ./ 那你给我吃xxx.

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妈妈，你今天给我带苹果汁去学校吧。

不行。

为什么不行？

你喝了瓶果汁就不好好吃午饭了。

可是别的小朋友都带啊。Andrew的妈妈就给他带了。

Andrew的妈妈是Andrew的妈妈。Emily的妈妈说不能带。

(自语)Andrew的妈妈就给他带了。。。

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Mommy loves my silly faces.

I am trying to oil paint.

Another master piece worth a million dollars!

 

At night,

No matter how deep Mommy is in a dream,

She jumps out of her bed and comes to yours,

Upon the first utterance of your cry.

 

She comforts you by snuggling you in her arms,

Whispers soft words to keep you away from the fear of a bad dream,

Puts you back to sleep and gives you a goodnight kiss.

 

Yes, baby,

Simple but so profound Mommy’s love is.

Hey, Happy New Year, Everyone.

I still can't believe that the calendar has turned pages to 2009. In January 1999, exactly 10 years ago, I was struggling to prepare for the college entrance exams.  At then, I didn’t even have the leisure to dream about the long-expected worry-free college life, let alone my life in 10 years. Yes, 10 years, a decade of my life, just fled at the blink of my eyes.

From 1999 to 2003, I spent my college life in Beijing. That’s the 4 years I wish I could have got more use of it. I still remember on the day before I left home, one of my father’s colleague said to me, Rui, take a picture at the front entrance of your university, and take another one on your graduation ceremony, you will be surprised by the big difference between them. I never took these two pictures (at least I don’t have them with me), but I can’t agree no more. There is one picture in my head still vivid today: there was a goofy girl with baby fat, wearing a blue-green school bag, with a big silly smile on her face, wandering on the campus. She was heading to the library to work hard on academics, while deeply in her heart she was thinking about a boy and a love story that she knew would never have a happy ending.

I made a bunch of great friends in college, and we still talk to each other (you know I am talking about you,J). The biggest accomplishment I achieved was the offer I got from Brandeis University. Getting education in one of the American Institutes had always been my dream, and I did make a great effort to pursue it. Today, I still stood by my choices.  Because the next two year experience not only brought me confidence, also, I met my lifetime partner, that’s a nice surprise. (If you are interested in how we met, please refer to the blog entry 当时的月亮.)

In July 2005, luckily enough, I started my first job in a financial corporation in Richmond, VA. In the airport on the way back from the interview, I wrote down these lines on a postcard (we usually send a postcard home from wherever we travel):

Honey,

By crossing the Changjiang River, I walked out that little town;

By crossing the Pacific Ocean, I found a knowledge heaven;

By crossing the Charles River, I met you, my most exciting treasure;

By crossing the James River, I hope this can be my first step in my career path.

Life is like, more rivers to cross, more wonders to explore.

That was my lucky postcard; a job offer even came before the postcard arrived.  Five months after I moved to Richmond, we got married during Christmas in Richmond. One year later, our lovely daughter Emily was born. And I moved back to Boston. That was not an easy choice. While working in a central team in Richmond, I could have better development opportunities. However, family came first. I didn’t want my childhood experience happens again on Emily. I did assume a full spectrum of responsibilities. In the last two years, I have become the integral part of my team (not being self-promoting here). I designed every major model and conducted handful value-added analysis for the business. Communication improved, and business knowledge mastered. I feel proud of myself.

I have to mention other things I feel grateful about in 2008.

The greatest thing I learnt is “to be grateful.” Don’t take good things for granted. Everything happens for a good reason. Every night before you go to sleep, recall five small things you are grateful about. Believe me, try it, it works. You will fall asleep with a heart full of peace and thanks.

XiaoKe has an impressive improvement on his short temper (he says my father is his role model), and he helps me a lot with housework. And he insisted I need to mention this here. Very important.

My family has always been there for me. Thank you, mom, dad and my dear sister.

Emily is growing up happily and healthily. She is my sweet heart. She gives me a lot of kisses and hugs. My heart is melt when I see her smiling.

I still love photography and became better at it.

Several friends wrote to me when I was in my lows. Thank all of you.

And, my husband bought me a house on my birthday. (Ha-ha, this is the way he put it.)

Facing 2009, some challenges are ahead of me. I may need to find a new job in such a tough economy condition. Emily is going to pre-school. Still, a lot to expect: Moving to a new house, continuing working on my career, building a happier family, getting fit and so much more……

Wish my parents and in-laws have good health, and my sister find a job and her love. Wish everyone have a Bullish 2009.  Happy 牛 Year!!!

Love,

Rui

Emily's first Halloween. We dressed her as a ladybug. She was not a big fan of it, however, we forced her to put the costume on anyway, as well as the little antenna which annoyed her the most. We were more excited than her.

One thing she did enjoy was the trick or treating, of course, she had tons of chocolate.

Do you love this little girl? This one is my favorite among her recent pictures. It was taken by Daddy when she was helping me wrapping steam buns. She was saying, Daddy, look at me (Flour all over her face)!

生命中的盐

一位禅学大师有一个老是爱抱怨的弟子。有一天，大师派这个弟子去集市买了一袋盐。弟子回来后，大师吩咐他抓一把盐放入一杯水中，然后喝一口。

“味道如何？”大师问道。
“咸得发苦。”弟子皱着眉头答道。

随后，大师又带着弟子来到湖边，吩咐他把剩下的盐撒进湖里，然后说道：“再尝尝湖水。弟子弯腰捧起湖水尝了尝。

大师问道：“什么味道？”
“纯净甜美。”弟子答道。
“尝到咸味了吗？”大师又问。
“没有。”弟子答道。

大师点了点头，微笑着对弟子说道：“生命中的痛苦是盐，它的咸淡取决于盛它的容器。”

你愿做一杯水，还是一片湖？